The latest from Work Matters
Avoid idiot compassion, and don't be nice |
Beware "idiot compassion" at work. This is a Buddhist idea described by Michael Carroll in "Awake At Work: 35 Practical Buddhist Principles for Discovering Clarity and Balance in the Midst of Work's Chaos." He observes that helping colleagues at work is neither simple nor easy. In truth, people are not always well equipped to give effective help, and trying to do so often leads to a greater mess than if they had let things alone. Carroll writes that avoiding idiot compassion means pausing "to consider what is truly needed when helping others — that rather than jumping to solutions or rushing to the rescue, we can be discerning and deliberate in our efforts." So how to avoid idiot compassion and replace it with smart compassion? I think part of the answer is in Peter Bregman's insightful March 16 post on the Harvard Business Review blog, "Don't Be Nice; Be Helpful." Here is his advice before offering counsel to a colleague: Ask permission. A simple question, "Can I share some feedback with you?" often opens up communication. Do not hedge. Put another way, do not sandwich criticism between two compliments. Otherwise the message will be lost. Do it often. If a company takes this approach on a regular basis, it creates what I call a culture of candor. If so, feedback becomes the norm, not the outlier, and something that is welcome, not shunned. I have written on compassion before. As I explain, well-placed compassion is useful, effective, and good business. Embrace thoughtful compassion, eschew idiot compassion. |
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